Acceptance in Relationship
For the past several years I have run a virtual circle for women called the Acceptance Circle. When I first started it, it took time for the literal meaning of acceptance to take shape. What I saw repeatedly is that there is a natural block in our humanity around accepting each other for who we are…our messiness, imperfections, chaos, power, and beauty….the whole of being a human being.
Simultaneously, I was deep in the trenches of the online dating world, and had been for many years prior, as a 40-something single mom. I was in good company as the abundance of singles, men and women, is glaring.
In my facilitation of this circle, I learned much about this highly used word and what the true meaning actually feels like. What acceptance really means and how to absorb it into my being as a space holder for women and concurrently invite it into my personal life in my relationships/friendships and, of course, my approach to online dating.
Many friendships naturally drifted away as that acceptance piece was lacking and many women came and went in the Acceptance Circle. My personal stance of acceptance became my guiding light as I embraced myself wholly in this realm and began to attract in relationships/friendships that mirrored this back.
My work in the Acceptance Circle also shifted and landed with an incredible group of unconditionally accepting women whom have held space for each other for months and years with love, grace, care, and pure acceptance week after week. Their growth has been immeasurable and the love is spreading into the retreats that many attend together year after year.
In the realm and engagment of online dating as a 40-something (which so many are engaging in), it provided me with a snapshot of the failure of many love relationships. The standards that many are holding in finding their true love are impossible to attain. The level of wounding that many are carrying into their quest is alarming and the combination of these factors PLUS the many 1000s of singles as options, have left so many disheartened in their search and alone.
This, to me, is a much larger issue that leaks into marriages and causes a withdrawal from the connection and an abundance of divorces.
A disclaimer: There are MANY reasons to get divorced…abuse, infidelity, lack of trust and connection, etc etc. This is *not* to say that everyone who is divorced didn’t try to make things work. This message is more around the lack of acceptance that we have as humans on the whole with each other….
In my experience, when I shifted in my own approach around partnership and led my interactions from a place of acceptance of myself, then the energy shifted and that became my point of attraction.
All of this to say, at nearly 50 years old, I just celebrated 2 years with my partner, Michael. 2 years may seem like a blip on the screen to many, yet at our age, with a teenager full on in the mix, these years have been dense and growth-promoting in ways that neither of us have experienced before, and feel like lifetimes. Is the relationship perfect? Absolutely not! It has been and continues to be a journey of acceptance for exactly who we are as individuals in midlife carving new pathways in our capacity to love.
I share this with you as an opportunity to take a look at yourself, at your relationships/partnerships (personally and professionally), and get honest about where your gaps are in your ability to live in acceptance. First with yourself, then with others.
Where are your blocks in the acceptance of love? Of yourself? Of your fellow humans?
Where are you holding onto judgment, expectation, fear, and/or criticism of yourself and others?
What relationships and/or attempts at relationship are shedding light to you in this realm of acceptance?
What lessons are there for you in cultivating a deeper sense of acceptance?
Can you, in this moment, take a deep breath and soften, allow, and embrace yourself and exactly where you are on your path and trust that others are where they need to be too?
May my words provide an opportunity for reflection and, hopefully, a pivot in your approach to love, relationship, and connection on the whole…coming from a place of authentic acceptance beginning with you and rippling out to those you engage with.
I am always out here for support and/or connection! Please reach out anytime.