Self-Regulation
When my son was young, in baby and toddler mode, he had an extremely hard time with self-regulation and emotional regulation. He became veryoverstimulated in certain environments, even the grocery store, screamed in the car seat, and overall was so uncomfortable in his little body and in his skin.
It took an immense amount of trial and error, fumbles and tears, momentary peace and calm, surrender and breath, in learning how to support him and his dysregulated system. Yes, there were outer circumstances that sent my little guy spinning into a frenzy, yet, a huge component of this process demanded that I, his mother and primary caregiver, to learn how to get my own system regulated so that I could hold the space for him to ground and relax.
This was very daunting and extremely challenging for me at that juncture of life as I was navigating my own journey with dysregulation, and was unwinding my system from an abusive marriage and the arduous reality of single motherhood with a young one.
I learned a lot in those years being on the front lines of life. Sure, I had many years of practice and exploration under my belt in the realm of embodied healing and self-regulation, yet, this was new territory and foreign terrain for me.
During those years, I had to create practices and processes to continuously train my system to regulate.
Was I able to remain in that state at all times? Absolutely not.
But, over time, with practice, I began to feel what it felt like to be regulated in my body, in my nervous system, and in my heart, no matter what was going on around me, and specifically with my son and all that came with learning how to parent him.
Nearly 16 years later, I understand in my bones about regulation and, amazingly, my teenager also knows how to self-regulate. He knows how to emotionally-regulate himself in the most magnificent of ways.
I recognize that all my hard work during those treacherous years landed in him and landed with me. We are able to regulate with each other and it's a beautiful thing. In some moments of our lives more than others as now we are navigating puberty and menopause, yet, there is the foundation of regulation that streams between us that we are able to move into when we are off.
I very much recognize and acknowledge that many adults today were not given those skills, that guidance, that awareness, that experience of learning how to calm ones system and find ground even in midst of the more challenging swirls of life. I certainly wasn't, by no fault of anyone's, and ended up developing a raging eating disorder and other addictions in an attempt to regulate myself from a young age.
These are new skills to learn, and, of course, the older we get the more imprinted we are in our ways.
However, I do believe that it is possible to heal deeply ingrained patterns and ways of existing, no matter what age we are at. And, it demands work.
Consistent, daily, moment-by-moment, work and practices to help us to access our inner ground and anchor ourselves in our bodies, while calming our nervous systems and allowing the dust to settle from within.
No matter where you are on your journey, in your struggles and triumphs, know that self-regulation and emotional-regulation are so essential and can be accessed no matter where you are on your trajectory. It IS possible to create new pathways in ourselves and in our lives at any juncture.
I would be honored to be of support to you if you are struggling in your own way in self-regulation. Please reach out if this message speaks to you! I am here.