Working with Hard Emotions

Those of us in the Northern Hemisphere are pivoting towards the official beginning of Spring. We have maneuvered our way through the dark days of Winter and, I know that I am not alone, in breathing a deep sigh of relief at the first signs of this season of rebirthing. 

The warmer, brighter, more joyful days are welcomed after the cold, short days of Winter. (Although it is snowing again here in Colorado…getting there!!)

While February, and Winter on the whole, are notoriously a more inward time, this year of isolation has certainly impacted many.  No matter one’s situation, this time of year can bring up harder emotions.  

Those who are prone to depression or anxiety, the darkness can have grave impact. 

As we turn towards Spring, it’s time to sew the seams of our inner worlds, time to pick up the pieces that have been shaken loose and really look at them. It is time to recalibrate our systems in a very new way.  

This is uncharted territory, which, if we can embrace this process, can be an exciting time of renewal and reinvention.

The darkness, both outer and inner, can stir us, rattle us, and also enlighten us as to what lies beneath the surface of our consciousness to be worked with.  

Darkness can be scary, yet if we can embrace it, there is infinite medicine to be gleaned.  In the darkness often emerges harder emotions to digest and rather than collapse into them, numb them, avoid them, distract from them, we can learn how to work with them and propel us into a state of being that is whole, connected, and embodied.  

In full transparency, the past couple of weeks I have found myself in my own states of sadness, depression, feeling flat, and antsy….ready to get on with the show and back to some fun, connection, and no masks!!I have found myself grasping in moments, usually to a food item as that is my go to….yet, I allowed myself to feel what I needed to feel and really dig deeply into the entirety of what the darkness was showing me.  

The key is to not turn on ourselves in those moments but rather turn towards ourselves.  Even if that means to sit down and eat the ice cream or chips or glass of wine or whatever your tendency is….To allow ourselves to BE with it and not to punish or berate ourselves for these moments of searching for connection. 

Think about it, why on earth would we punish and berate ourselves for feeling sad, flat, depressed, angry, melancholy, or anxious?  

That is truly what it comes down to.  When we feel disconnected from ourselves, the tendency is to grasp for something to fill us. 

In my own descent, I was highly aware of an emptiness, a void of sorts, that I don’t believe I have felt before.  This particular one felt familiar, yet foreign.  The most powerful part of this void, emptiness, and angst was that I knew, with every cell of my being, that it was OKAY.  

This this flavor was meant to be felt and palpated on a deep level.  That this was surfacing because I was ready to heal it in a way that I have never before.

This is a part of the process, the journey.  

There are always layers that surface and I know now in my 25 years of deep inquiry into myself, my recovery process from various addictions, and my unwavering commitment to living a life awake and embodied, that the layers that emerge are the ones that we are able to digest and assimilate.  

I knew, in these past few weeks, that I needed to investigate that liminal space deep within me so as to really embody my entire experience.  I knew in my bones that this was where the medicine lies and that in order to take my own recovery process to the next level, I needed to allow it. 

Breathe with it.  Observe it.  Assure it.  Hold space within myself and in my outer work for it to BE.  

There was absolutely nothing to fix.  Nothing to “make better”, nothing to improve, or coax, or even give voice to.  This was for me to just be with.  

To let myself feel depressed and not panic.  To allow the void of joy to be there and to pour on the compassion and love and acceptance of my whole Self.  

I knew, after my decades of practice, study, and experience, that there was nothing to be done per se, this was about BEING, not DOING. 

I knew that if I allowed that, then it would shift.  And, shift it did. 

In sharing my own experience, I recognize that it is not always that straightforward.  When we are in midst of a cycle of harder emotions, addiction, and overall projecting and grasping onto the outer world, it may not feel like an option to even consider allowing anything to BE.  

There are so many ways in which to approach ourselves when we are experiencing harder emotions and states of being.  

Below is a list of action steps that one can take whenever you come face-to-face with harder emotions.  Again, the key is to try to not distract, numb, disconnect….AND, if you do, be kind and compassionate to yourself.  No punishment!  Embrace your humanness, pour on the compassion and love and take the best care of yourself possible. 

·      Dance

·      Take a walk

·      CRY

·      Put your hands on your body and BREATHE 

·      Pray

·      Ask for guidance and draw a card

·      Create ~ Draw, Paint, Collage

·      Sleep

·      Take a bath by candlelight 

·      Cleanse your space with a Clearing Spray or burn sage

·      Call a trusted friend (one whom accepts you for who you are!)

·      Write

·      Read something uplifting and inspiring

·      Get on the floor and stretch

·      Create some empowering mantras and repeat them often

·      Crawl into bed early and appreciate the comfort of your bed

·      Curl up on the couch and wrap a cozy blanket around you

·      Sing (LOUDLY!)

·      Scream

·      Get on your yoga mat and do something, anything

·      Write a gratitude list

·      Listen to music that moves your soul 

Give yourself PERMISSION to just BE exactly how you are in this moment and remind yourself as many times as you need to that this too shall pass!  And, it will.  

If you are struggling with these overwhelming, dark, hard feelings and emotions and feel like you need support.  Please do connect with a professional and seek help.  You do not have to do this alone!  

I would be honored to support you through this time! Please schedule a 20-minute Clarity Call HERE to connect.