The Passage of Time

I have a big birthday coming up this weekend…the turn of a decade, a rite of passage of sorts (today’s message is a bit longer so please bear with me as it felt important to share!).

Turning 50 has its own flavor of energy. 50 fills mature. It feels aged. It feels wise and solid. It feels sturdy, yet simultaneously shaky. It feels full of breath, ease, ground….the feeling of a profound exhale. Not without challenge as that is life, yet an arrival in midst of the bumps and blips.

In midst of the polarities, there is a solidity…a landing in one’s bones… of truth, of knowing, of alignment.

I am one of those people who is kind of always in reflection, it is just my Scorpio nature, and I especially do so when I have a birthday come around. I like to reflect on what I have navigated in the past year and what I want to create in the year to come.

This year is more about reflection on the past decade and the decade to come.

The most striking thing that I am aware of is that my 40s, while without a doubt were tumultuous, felt as though they were a slow, methodical, nonlinear evolution of actualizing who I am as a woman, as a mother, as a daughter and family member, as a community member, as a friend, as a partner, and as a professional.

Over the past 10 years, my dream work and business were birthed. As I have been writing my book and going through old documents and papers that I have written over the years, I have found pieces of writing in which I had been talking about this work and curriculum written back in the early 2000s.

I knew how I wanted to work with women, in what capacity, and what I wanted the curriculum to look like, feel like, and consist of. I knew how I wanted to impact women and what my motivation and incentive were.

This was long before I became a mother, and then quickly a single mother needing to do what I needed to do to keep a roof over our heads while ushering my special needs son through the early years of school. So, while I had these profound visions of knowing, they took time to actualize.

The past 10 years, I have slowly, toe-by-toe, stepped towards the actualization of this vision that I have held for so long.

This deep knowing of how profoundly passionate, moved, inspired, and devoted I was and have been, for much of my adult life, to creating the spaces for women to come together and heal. For women to come together and be their whole, beautiful, wounded, and amazing selves in containers of safety, warmth, and acceptance.

And now, decades later, I still pinch myself every time I drive up to my beautiful office in downtown Boulder, where infinite healing happens daily. When I look at my website and see and feel and know the power of these various events and retreats that I created and am offering to so many women.

While I know that my work will never be resonant with all women, I do know that so many have been touched by this work.
That so many have stepped more fully into their own lives as a result of this work.
That so many have courageously taken a look at themselves and their patterns of living and being that are no longer serving and have created the changes that they needed to moment-by-moment-by-moment.

What I know is that this body of work…embodied, aligned, sustainable healing is not a quick fix.

That we must continuously show up for ourselves in this wild journey of life.

That we must honor these passages of time with the whole of us on board so that we can continue to move forward on our trajectory.

Hopefully this message lands for you in knowing that wherever you may be in this moment, that we always have the passage of time as long as we are living and breathing humans. Time will keep moving along. Nothing is permanent. 

No matter what is going on around us, we can create such a profound container of steadiness from deep within. Even as time continues to turn and life unfolds, we can keep building that inner muscle of steadiness.

We can continue deepening in our connection to who we are.

Trust in the flow and process of your unique individual lives. Every step along the way is important and valuable and a part of your extraordinary story of becoming. 

20+ years ago when these visions of how I wanted to be working with women started coming through, I had no idea how they were going to be actualized. In those moments of feeling so buried in single motherhood, just trying to get through hour-by-hour and feeling as though I was drowning, I had no idea how or when or if I was ever going to be able to breathe fully again and step forward.

Now, a day away from turning 50…I feel raw, open, profoundly connected, humbled, and beyond inspired to live in a way that is in integrity.

And….to continue to support as many women on the path as I possibly can…as so many have been gutted by life in one capacity or another.

For this next decade of my precious life, I want to have impact. I want to make a difference. I want to be a beam of light in the darkness. I want to hold space for and support and listen to and usher women through the layers and portals of life.I want to help hold the ground for women to land on in midst of the swirls, upheavals, and in this dance of life.

So, cheers to 50! I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful for my own courage in continuously stepping out and forward in living and being and loving and opening and creating.

Thank you all for being here with me and on this journey of life! I appreciate those of you whom have been with me for many years and those whom are brand new to the community.  It is an honor to be of consistent support and guidance during these wild times. 

I sincerely hope that my path intersects with yours if needed, and that I have the privilege of making eye contact with as many of you as I possibly can in the days and months and years to come.
 

Take good care of yourselves and be kind to each other.