Trauma and Self-Regulation

The recent devastation in Boulder County has triggered something deeply personal in me having navigated my own house fire in early 2016.  While my home did not burn to the ground, I did lose 95% of my belongings due to smoke infestation. I had to restart my life in so many ways and the trauma of returning home that fateful day with my then 6-year old son remains in my system.  

My level of compassion for this particular stream of trauma has been awakened and my capacity to support those in their digestion of and unwinding of this level of trauma is at the forefront off my being.  

I know trauma in my bones and I know how to move it through one’s system with skill, with safety, with empathy, with presence, and with unwavering love.

As I actively work to unwind my own system from the impacts of the devasting wild fires here in my home of Boulder County, the level of work and care essential to do so have been magnified providing me with the opportunity to transmit my knowledge and wisdom around trauma navigation from a very raw and vulnerable (and fresh!) place. 

Even as I write this blog, I find myself struggling to stay present….feeling the pulls of my own traumatic imprints tugging me away from my computer in distraction, avoidance, disconnect.  And, this is the work.  This is what it is all about. Working with ourselves in the present moment, in that space of wound, of invasion, of deep upheaval. 

Trauma is deep.

It is individual.  

It is multi-layered.  

It can show up in an immense amount of ways and can also, easily, be suppressed causing tremendous harm to our systems and even life-threatening illnesses and health situations.  There is no magic “cure” or answer or path to take to work with trauma as each person has their own experiences based upon their unique biographies, systems, and capacity for staying present in extreme conditions.  

There is absolutely no judgment in any way no matter where you may find yourself.  We must always work with ourselves starting exactly where we are, in every moment…..We practice so as to build our strength from deep within, shaping our inner muscles of connection to ourselves, and repeat that which we have learned as many times as we need to.  

I believe that to know how to truly support another in navigating trauma we must know how to do so ourselves. I know high trauma.  In my bones.  I know how to cycle it through my system.  I know how to access myself and how to ground myself.  Not always instantaneously, yet I know the dance that I have taken, and continue to take as needed, in order to land in a space of calm connection and a peaceful and present existence.  

And, it has taken trial and error…experimentation…digging very deep…fumbling….and rising….over and over and over again.

If I can offer anything in this vein, it is the message that YOU DO NOT NEED TO LIVE YOUR LIFE EMBEDDED IN TRAUMA.  You CAN recover, heal, grow through, empower, and learn infinitely about yourself and who you are and how to show up in your life from a place of embodied strength, compassion, humbleness, and unwavering love of self and your uniquely wild ride of life.  

These suggestions are all about you working with you, in moments of heightened nervous system activation, of traumatic memories, and in everyday life as *maintenance* and *preservation* of your own wellness.  

I honor that it is A LOT and not everything may be appropriate for where you are in this moment.  I suggest taking it in small pieces, step-by-step, and saving this information to reference regularly when you find yourself stuck and needing some reminders and inspiration.  

Please remember that you are not alone if you find yourself engulfed with trauma and its impact on your being.  There are so many resources out there, I am one of them.  Also, again, there is no magic formula for your individual recovery.  This is about you learning how to work with YOU…your own system, patterns, habits, ways of living and being… Take what resonates with you and leave the rest.  

Finally, remember that the ultimate *goal* in unwinding trauma is to be able to stay present in the moment, connected to our bodies, feeling our breath, our beautiful hearts beating….being able to remain in that state of presence in midst of the swirls of overwhelm, anxiety, depression, heightened nervous system, fear, collapse….all of it.  

It takes time to heal from trauma.  It requires patience and compassion and an abundance of self-LOVE.  It is a journey that demands diligence in our practices.  One with no end point per se, yet the gateway towards living a life of peace and steadiness….authentic and vulnerable connections….feeling comfortable in our own skin in midst of the discomfort of life….and the opening towards true power from deep within our being that is unwavering no matter which way the wind blows.  

Ways of working with trauma in our systems from a Holistic and Embodied Perspective:

• Breathe:  Whenever something traumatizing happens we naturally shorten our breath, even “hold” it unconsciously.  The breath naturally becomes shallow only occupying a fraction of our bodies, which causes our hearts to race and our systems to go into overdrive.  If you can do nothing else in this moment of impact, focus on deepening your breath.  Send your breath all the way down into your pelvic floor, letting the belly soften and expand.  Breathing in through the nose and exhaling out the mouth.  Try to encourage your exhale to become twice as long as your inhale (if this is difficult for you to do, it can help to count….inhale for 5 counts, exhale for 10).  

• Make contact with your body:  Our bodies can become an ally and resource on this path, if we allow them to be.  Quite often when we are experiencing trauma in the moment and/or are unwinding from past traumas, we disconnect from our bodies, our homes.  It becomes extremely difficult to then move through the trauma as we are not there. Getting back into our bodies is so crucial to repair our systems, function in our lives, ground in the moment, and continuously meet the waves with our whole selves on board.  A simple technique is to put one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly.  Feel the pulsation of your heart beating beneath your top hand and the rise and fall of your breath in and out of your belly with your bottom hand.  You can also cross your arms in front of your body and wrap your hands around your upper arms.  There is a very soothing point that resides where your bicep muscle meets on the side of your upper arm that has tremendous impact in calming your system.  

• Weight:  Putting weight on ourselves in midst of high trauma and/or while unwinding has profound impact on our nervous systems.  Using weighted blankets or stacking blankets on top on you while lying down is highly effective.  Also using your own body weight in contacting the earth beneath you by getting onto the ground and really allowing the support to emerge from below (while focusing on the breathing pattern as offered above) is very effective.  If I am unable to lie down on the ground and I feel my nervous system swirling I will often times pick up a dumbbell (not for exercise purposes but rather to feel some weight) is also very powerful. 

• Attune to your body:  Taking our embodied efforts another step further is in connecting with and attuning to our bodies around what it needs in any given moment.  There is a time and place for movement vs. stillness…sometimes getting on the ground and allowing your body to rest in the rocking of the earth (as mentioned above) is the medicine and other times mindful movement such as stretching, dancing, and/or walking can connect you deeper down into your body and yourself.  In this case, it is crucial to cater your movement towards soothing, not pushing through or forcing, but rather with the intention of union with body, heart, and soul.  

• Herbal and Flower Essence Therapy: Working with plant medicine is a highly effective way of soothing our nervous systems on a physical, mental, emotional, energetic, and spiritual plane. You may or may not have heard of the Bach Flower Essence Blend, Rescue Remedy, but this formula has been around for eons and is a wonderful option to have around for yourself, your children, even your pets during times of high crisis. I also love the line Tree Frog Farm Flower Essences based out of Washington state. I have found their blends to be profound along my own journey. Do some research and feel into what is most aligned for you and your specific needs. I also highly recommend Wish Garden Tinctures (a local, women-owned company here in Boulder County). I have found, in particular, since the onset of the pandemic, the blend: Emotional Ally to be potent in calming my system and nourishing my heart. All of these products can be found online or at your local natural food store/pharmacy. Feel free to reach out to me with any questions at all about flower essences or herbs as I would be happy to assist.

•  Water: Water, on the whole, is an incredible resource for our bodies and is a simple and effective way of tending to our systems in midst of crisis and trauma.  On the most basic level, in midst of navigating high trauma, making sure that you are drinking adequate amounts of water as staying hydrated is essential in finding balance and equilibrium in our being. Think about how comforting a hot cup of tea is….the act of making the tea…heating up the water, choosing a mug and tea (more about specific herbal teas later), sipping the hot water/tea, holding the hot mug in your hands, feeling the tea slide down your throat into your belly.  This gesture is nourishment from the inside out and is a simple and effective way of calming your system.  Using water in the external:  Obviously we know that taking hot baths (with candles, bubbles, and Epsom salt to boot!) is extremely soothing to the system.  But, also a hot shower can be equally nourishing and grounding.  Using the shower as a time to unwind (not power through), bringing mindfulness to your body as the water is consuming you…feel the water washing away the stress and tension and intend on it being a “safe space” for your emotions.  I have had some of my *best* cries in the shower (and by best I mean most releasing!).  End with 30 seconds of cold to calm anxiety and reset your entire system.  

• Eat Regularly:  For most, when we are experiencing a heightened state of trauma it is easy to “forget” to eat or convince ourselves that we have no appetite.  On the opposite end of the spectrum, we can also find ourselves grasping to food and binge eating to try and soothe ourselves.  The antidote to both scenarios is to make sure that you are eating regularly. Eating small, nutrient dense meals that have adequate fat and protein is key. When our systems are either undernourished or overfed it greatly affects our digestion which directly impacts our nervous systems ability to regulate.  

• Sound:  Many years ago, while navigating my own back-to-back highly traumatizing life events I discovered the Binaural Beats.  I cannot say enough positive and inspiring words about the impact that these beats have on our entire system.  Finding the *right* frequency for your body and mind is key so I suggest perusing Youtube and trying different ones to see which feels most resonant with you.  I now have these playing in my home often and especially at night when it is time to wind down and calm our systems for sleep.  They are extremely effective in high crisis moments so please do give them a try. I also recommend sacred chants that not only fill us with these potent words and melodies but can also give our voices an outlet.  Finding some chants that you resonate with, can play repeatedly to learn the words and melody, and chant away.  I have a playlist on Spotify called:  Embodied Brilliance that is loaded with some powerful ones.  

• Let the Emotions Flow: I cannot emphasize enough how crucial it is to allow the entire spectrum of your emotions to flow up and out of you.  Whenever we are navigating trauma, we can be flooded with such a wide array of emotions at any given moment from anger, to sadness, to rage, to grief, to overwhelm, to anxiety, to calm on repeat.  It is so important to create the space for your emotions to be felt and to move, shift, and morph.  This is not about *drowning* or becoming consumed by these varying emotional states but rather to, as much as possible, stay open to the flow and hold every emotion with reverence and care.  When I was moving through the traumatic aftermath of my own house fire I spent a lot of time on my mat in between sifting through my smoke filled belongings.  So many tears were shed during that time but also I held the space for the anger and overwhelm and anxiety to be there.  When we allow our emotions to cycle as they need to, they do not become lodged in our cells and have the possibility of moving through us in a healthy and productive way. This is *key* in preventing extreme PTSD from embedding in our being.  So, allow the emotions to flow through you….as often as needed…for as long as needed.  Be kind and compassionate and loving with your emotional self and I promise you, it will shift. You will heal. 

• Keep the Energy Moving in Your Body: This most certainly does not mean doing big workouts or moving the energy in any extreme fashion.  We can keep the energy moving in our bodies by being gentle and mindful in our movements, slowing our bodies down and allowing the energy to circulate while simultaneously soothing our nervous systems.  I have found over the years in moving through my own traumatic experiences that there is a time and a place to push the body, get the heart rate up, sweat, and exert oneself.  More often than not, in those moments, I found the greatest relief and healing with gentle and embodied yoga practice (including forward folds, restorative postures such as legs up the wall, and a slow flow), grounding dance (turning on some music and letting my body move in its own organic way), and slow walks in nature focusing on deepening my breath, my posture, and really taking in the present moment with all of my senses.  Again, each individual is unique in their process, so I invite you to explore what works best for you and your being.  Remember, the key is to calm the system and access ourselves in the present moment.  May that be the intention in embodying this journey in our bodies and beings.  

•  Keep Doing Your Practices:  When we are hit with a traumatic life experience or a hard moment in life on the whole, usually the first thing to go are our practices and rituals.  It is *critical* to continue to do the practices that anchor us….even if they become abbreviated for a time period.  The gesture of showing up for ourselves in this way magnifies our healing and will absolutely serve your process in immeasurable ways.  I honor that some days we have to dig deep to get to our cushion or our mats or outside on a walk or whatever your practice may be.  Please be assured that it is actually incredibly supportive for you, even if it may not feel like it in the moment.  So, do continue to do your practices, even in smaller moments, and trust that these acts on your own behalf are holding you through these dark times.  

•  Wrap Yourself Up: Yes, quite literally, wrap yourself up in cozy blankets, shawls, soft hoodies, sweaters, scarves, comforters…you get the picture.  Sometimes that is literally all that we can do.  Get onto the couch and wrap yourself up in a delicious blanket and allow yourself to be held by this sweet contact.  Crawling back into bed and letting yourself feel comfort by this gesture of care.  Think about it, when a baby or child are struggling with some emotion or experience, we naturally wrap them up in a blanket or tuck them tightly into bed or engulf them with our own bodies and arms.  Here is an opportunity for you to wrap your own inner child who is scared, angry, overwhelmed, sad, anxious with that loving care.  I highly encourage everyone to have at least one super cozy blanket or means of offering oneself this level of support.  It truly soothes the soul from the outside in.  

•  Touch: Most of us cannot run out and get a massage anytime we are feeling activated.  Although helpful (with the *right* energy and touch), receiving bodywork can be very supportive.  However, rather than waiting until that moment can happen, learning how to do self-massage and giving yourself the quality of touch that is soothing to your system and your soul.  There are many resources out there with guidance around self-massage but my advice in this realm is to let yourself explore. Give permission to yourself to receive from yourself.  Gentle contact in placing a hand on the heart or across your own forehead is a loving starting point.  Play around with subtle movements in your body while in contact and feel into what your body and being need.  As much as possible, don’t think, feel and allow yourself to be guided from deep within. 

•  Words and Affirmations: How we speak to ourselves is *always* important but especially when we are moving through high trauma our language becomes a pivotal gateway to our weary hearts.  I highly suggest creating 2 or 3 “go to” affirmations that you can remember easily which you can refer to in those moments when the struggle feels overbearing.  Making these affirmations short and succinct, simple, and powerful.  “I am” statements work wonderfully well to shift the energy and bring us back into a place of loving kindness with ourselves.  Taking the affirmation practice one step further, consider writing them on post-it notes and place them in places you frequent – your bathroom mirror, your car, bedroom, refrigerator, etc.  Take your time in creating these affirmations and really allow them to emerge from your authentic self. Don’t think, feel, and listen to what shows up and trust it.  

• Observing Oneself:  Operating from a place of non-judgmental curiosity as to our inner and outer workings is so important to life on the whole.  We can learn *so* much about ourselves in these challenging moments in time about our tendencies, our habits, our choices, and our comforts.  Again, the key is to *not* judge ourselves but rather observe and stay curious.  There is a time and a place for some outer comfort and distraction when we are navigating trauma.  We simply cannot be *on* all the time in our process, constantly working on ourselves, feeling every feeling that comes up, etc etc. We would blow ourselves out.  So, honor when you have hit a wall and just need to curl up and zone out to some entertaining show (funny is a plus as laughter is such good medicine!), or are cognizant of your pull towards having a glass of wine, or eating that decadent dessert.  If this is in your realm of possibility and you are not going to land yourself in a debilitating bender, by all means indulge.  The key here is to *enjoy* it, savor it, celebrate that this is a part of your self-care in this moment and, again, not allow it to become weeks of indulgence and not feeling anything.  Bonus: take the time to prepare that decadent dessert or meal, pour the glass of wine and hold it mindfully…breathing it all in, tasting it all, and letting yourself enjoy the break.  

• Meditation: Meditation is a practice of learning how to sit with ourselves in the various terrain of our human existence. It builds muscles from deep within of who we are and keeps us anchored throughout our days. It is a practice, however, and important to remember that initially sitting in meditation can feel like trauma. As when we sit, all of our shit comes up. All of the emotions and feelings that we are consciously or unconsciously running from as we move through our lives, surfaces in those moments of sitting still. There is a false belief that when you sit in meditation it is a blissful and peaceful experience. While it certainly can be, for most humans it is far from that. It is work to return to the present moment, to our breath, feel our bodies, and train our minds to settle. When we are navigating trauma, everything is heightened. For many months after my house fire and subsequent other traumatic experiences, I could not sit in meditation. It was way too overwhelming. I did do other practices that brought the piece of mindfulness into my experience, but sitting was just not an option. My suggestion is to pace yourself. Even the most experienced meditators have a hard time sitting when things are really intense and overwhelming. Now nearly a decade later of really devoting myself to my daily practice, I welcome those moments of intensity and high emotion to surface during my meditation practice as I see it as an opportunity to work deeper within my psyche and emotional body. Please remember, this all takes time but what I will say is that establishing a regular and diligent meditation practice will serve your life in immeasurable ways and awaken you to an aspect of living and being that you did not even know possible.

• REST:  Digesting and unwinding from trauma demands conscious resting time.  This is *not* the time to be pushing through the fatigue but rather gifting yourself with the opportunity to surrender to it.  Allow yourself to be rocked from the inside out through consciously resting and restoring your system.  If you feel pulled to sleep a lot, please try and do it.  This is *not* collapsing but rather is soulful self-care and an essential practice in the unwinding of trauma from our cells, our tissues, and our entire being.  

I feel a very strong mission, a calling, to be of support in any way that I can be during these ever-evolving, highly traumatizing times. 

 I offer in person and Zoom sessions that can be focused on unwinding trauma, stress, anxiety, overwhelm, and/or depression with skill, safety, empathy, and unwavering love and compassion.  

Coming February 1st is a *new* online community membership program:  In Power Women’s Community.  If you are looking for consistent connection, 1:1 support, tools and resources, practices, and a supportive community of women, this could be a wonderful fit for you.  Although registration will not be LIVE until 2/1, I am accepting *reservations* now.  

Please do reach out if you are struggling.  

I am here.